Traveler's slump?

It's been 2 1/2 months now that we have been on the road now...experiencing how vibrant India is. We have spent a few days in Puri, a small(er), quiet(er) city on the coast, unwinding from a week of congested cities and overnight train rides. And yet the past few days have been the most trying days of our travels since we left Mumbai. Suddenly the constant activity of India seems more than I can handle. I know this feeling will pass in time, but suddenly I long for a place to call home and familiar surroundings. The jarring car and motorcycle horns, the men urinating around every corner, the permanent smell of urine lingering on the breeze, the mounds of trash being burned on many a corner. My energy is lacking and my temper is short as every shop owner beckons me to buy something, every rickshaw driver pleads with me to catch a ride somewhere, as every child pulls at my arm begging for rupees. I wonder what I am doing here. I hate being the westerner that carries all the money and that always stands out in any crowd. I hate that I am carrying more on my back than many people that I pass on the street own. My simplified life is still luxurious compared to so many that we encounter. India is such an enigma with all the intelligent people she produces, and yet the squalid conditions that the forgotten part of the population lives in.
We heard a story of a woman who spent some time living in Delhi. When it was time for her to head home, she wasn't ready to go. She expressed that she has never felt so alive as here in India. At the end of every day to have survived is an accomplishment. In the next couple of decades India will surpass China as the world's most populous country. Her cities are bursting at the seams. Our western lifestyle has wet the appetite of the growing middle class...in a country that seems to not have the infrastructure to deal with our lifestyle. My black boogers and congested chest after exploring the cities is the tell tale sign of the air quality. The traffic choked streets rumble with buses and rickshaws coughing out clouds of black exhaust. Piles of trash full of plastic bottles and bags are munched on by cows and goats or burned on the curbside. Our western ways of disposable packaging have nowhere to go here. The thick black sluggish rivers collecting pollution as they roll through the cities, giving off their own acrid fumes, give little hope as the population continues to explode. And yet, we (in the 'developed world') conveniently don't see where our trash goes...and don't worry about the water that comes out of our tap. There are so many obstacles that such a large portion of society is faced with here in India. Life is not easy, and I tire of being the person that can travel through this and leave it all behind me. Although I appreciate all that I have been given in my lifetime, I tire of being a 'have' in a world full of 'have-nots'. I am constantly challenged with figuring out my place in this world.
I suppose that is where this blog is so important to me and our travels. I am hoping (and trying my hardest) to shed light on the cultures and places that we are experiencing. I recently was e.mailing a friend back home explaining my intention with the blog. If Tim and I were simply traveling on our own and not sharing our story, I feel it would be a selfish journey. My hope is that sharing our stories and experiences gives everyone a snapshot of life here. That the places that we are visiting become 'real' to you also....with real people and real challenges. Our travel experiences help us (Tim and I) to realize that the world isn't such a big place...and those places that seemed so foreign to us became very real once we set foot there. This trip has been so exhilarating and trying at the same time, but my hope is that you have also gained an appreciation for the places we have visited.
The challenges inevitably are always overshadowed by the kindness of people here and their generosity. And yet my heart aches for the incredible people here that have the odds stacked against them. India is impossible to capture in words, as it is a place best 'experienced' because it is different for every person. I share this simply because it is yet another part of the journey that we are experiencing.